Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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