I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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