Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
