Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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