Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
