That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
