awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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