Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
