3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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