It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
