So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
pop tarts are not kleenex
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
