So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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