y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
