Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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