Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
COCAINE IS GR8
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
