She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
