I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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