when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
