Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
