I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
