remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
