life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
