I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
