I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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