I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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