Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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