you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
