If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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