Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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