i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
