Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
