dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
