Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
