I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
