I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
