Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
