I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
