I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
