Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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