we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
