His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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