So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize