I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
