I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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