i permit you to call me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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