i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
