I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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