I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
