He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
