If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
