I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
