evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
