You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
