Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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