sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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