I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
