i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
