he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
