Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Verdict: uncircumcised.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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