Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
