you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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