What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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