According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
