I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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