just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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