i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
