I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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